Wildlife Adventures.

Woodpeckers are very, very dumb. I wonder if this is why stupid people are sometimes called 'peckerwoods'?

We have a great many birds who live in our yard. Among them is a pair of what I am pretty sure are Williamson's Sapsuckers. Anyway, these birds are so dumb... they peck on things like metal exhaust-fan covers (you know, the ones that stick up from roofs over kitchens and bathrooms). I don't think there is any known species of bug that lives in a metal exhaust-fan hood. Maybe they just like scaring the CRAP out of the people in the house when they do it, because it sounds like there's someone on the roof with a jackhammer. Maybe they are the woodpecker version of Def Leppard or Taiko Drummers or something.

They also do things like flying down the chimney and getting trapped in the fireplace. This is the second time this year I have had to rescue the female bird from the fireplace. Thank goodness we have a cat because otherwise she'd probably starve in there, since we NEVER use the fireplace and the only reason I knew she was in there both times was because the cat parked his butt in front of the fireplace and stared at it like it was Kitty TV. Since that is not normal Riku behavior (if there is such a thing) I knew something was up.

The last time it happened I tried to call Animal Control only to be told they don't handle birds. Then I called a local wildlife rescue group, and was told it would cost me $200 for them to come out because woodpeckers are apparently endangered and if the bird got hurt they could get in trouble. After balking at that, the woman kindly told me to turn off all the lights, open the closest door to outside, and then open the fireplace. She said the bird would follow the air current and light to the outside. I tried it and it worked like a charm.

This time, not so well. I put the cat in the bathroom (he's an indoor cat) and opened the patio door, but I forgot about turning off all the lights and Apparently since it is an overcast day, the bird was confused. So instead of flying OUT it flew into the house toward the front window and the light. It perched on the curtain rod for a moment but as I went toward it, it spotted the back window and flew toward that, and hit it smack on. Poor bird. It fell, a little stunned, but had recovered by the time I got over there and was trying desperately to fly out through the closed window, beating its wings against the glass.

There was a moderate-sized empty box at hand so I picked it up and managed to capture the bird between the box and the glass and it started to SCREAM, which brought the kid-unit dashing down to see what the hell was going on. I managed to grab an empty padded mailer we were about to address, and slid it between the glass and the box to make a 'lid' for the box. Once it got dark in the box the bird calmed down, and I took the whole shebang outside and let the bird out. It took off like a bat out of hell, without a word of thanks. I am pretty sure this was the same idiot bird that got trapped in the fireplace last time, too. How many female woodpeckers can live around one house, anyway? I guess when you have a brain the size of a plum pit you just ain't too bright. (Hm, maybe since these are called sapsuckers rather then woodpeckers, that explains why stupid people are also called saps and suckers?)

Riku was very unhappy that I a) ruined his Kitty TV, and b) locked him in the bathroom so he missed all the excitement. :)